“If only I had known then what I know now…” You’ve heard it a thousand times. You’ve probably even said it yourself a time or two. Thing is, despite its being so cliché, it’s entirely true. I’d love so much to go back in time and tell a younger me what I’ve most recently learned about appreciating my body, about fostering my sexuality, and about loving my man. There is a world of heartache that could have been prevented. Even more happiness and pleasure that could have been found. Here are some important lessons I wish I had known:

You think it can wait, but it won’t:
I understand as much as anyone that there are times and seasons in our lives. I know that when you’re giving everything you have to precious, young souls that depend on you for everything, there just doesn’t seem to be anything left to give to yourself or your partner. And this is acceptable on a cerebral level…after all, you’re adults and realize that the needs of your children come first. But there are parts of us…parts of our relationships…that can only FEEL. They don’t get the memo. They start to feel neglected and unwanted. And pretty soon, what was once a normal part of your romance seems “out there” and risqué and possibly uncomfortable.

Appreciate your body
Of course, this new mindset of putting yourself last is taking over when your body is probably at its finest. I know my 20-something self didn’t appreciate my perky breasts. And sadly, now as I do fun, sexy things for my husband, I almost always thing to myself, “This would look so much hotter with better boobs.” It took me far too long to start just giving and loving and not holding back because I’m too tired or distracted or stressed or uncomfortable with my body for whatever reason. At the end of the day, my husband doesn’t mind that I have stretch marks or that my boobs aren’t as perky as they once were. He just wants access.

Discover what he likes
I’ve taken the time, too, to read articles and books about how men are wired. It’s given me an intellectual foundation for some real life lab work. I think often our upbringing, our age, and our lack of confidence can keep us from being more honest with each other about what we like in the bedroom. I love to use something new I’ve learned to find out if it clicks with my husband. I love tapping into his fantasies and learning more about the things that he’d like to explore.

Keep it up
Pun intended. :p Use naughty photos, text messages, lingerie or sexy outfits to keep him wanting more. Learn the art of the tease. Flirt, flirt, flirt. Is he out of town? Brush up on your phone/cyber flirting.

Speaking of naughty photos…You might want to check this thread for some ideas for poses and wardrobe. And while you’re loving your body (or learning to love it), think about documenting the experience with a fun kit that I designed with Nicole (Sugarplum Paperie).

No need to blush or cringe...the sweet vintage "pin-up" vibe makes it comfortable.

Don’t get me wrong. Your man probably loves you no matter what. He loves that you’re a fierce mama bear and work hard to keep the house running. He loves you for your brain, your sense of humor, and your awesome scrapbook pages (naturally). I bet he even loves you for your modesty. Which is why it’s all that more exciting to him when you crank up the heat in your love life. Don’t let him think that the life he pictured with you was a fairytale. Be his dream girl…and make it better than he could have ever possibly imagined. You will be amazed at how empowered and sexy you feel. You will feel like the goddess you are.