Well-I mean I didn’t really lose it…but it sure feels like I did.

My Zak is officially a college freshman-we loaded up his belongings and moved him 1 hour away last weekend. One truck-one van-one car. That is all it took to move my sweet baby out of my nest.

The tears started the night before-I sobbed uncontrollably while my husband looked on with such helplessness in his eyes. I almost felt sorry for him and caught myself starting to console him, but I figured I deserved my moment of selfishness and I didn’t want to be bothered by his lack of ability to understand how I was feeling-so I let him stare and bawled my eyes out. Loud, deep sobs that lasted for almost two hours.

When I was finally cried out I tried to make him understand how I was feeling, because although I know he is going to miss Zachary too, his feelings are totally different. His sorrow is over-ridden by PRIDE. The pride he feels at having his son son receive a basketball scholarship. The pride he knows he will feel when he is sitting at CSC Charger basketball games and he hears his sons name announced across the loudspeaker. I know that I will be proud too-but for now-I’m just sad!

Zachary and I are very close-I would like to think that we are closer than most moms and sons, but I know it is probably not true-I just like to think it. I will miss so many things about having him here everyday. I will miss the way he always comes into my bedroom and wakes me up when he gets home. I will miss the advice that he always seems to want from me (doesn’t matter that he never usually takes it, just the fact that he uses me as a sounding board is special). I will miss the smell of the bathroom in the mornings when his bath is running (no one else around here uses the good smelling body wash he does). I will miss tripping over his shoes all the time (he is a total slob and leaves his stuff everywhere). I will miss the sound of his big bold laugh (so much like my own) when he is playing X-box Live with his friends. I will miss the entourage of boys that usually follow his arrival home (he was rarely by himself and always surrounded by friends). I will miss our gossip sessions, we spent many a hour immersed in talking about his daily life-who was doing what and when and who they were doing it with. So many things I will miss but I know that as time passes I will start to appreciate having only two boys at home-my pride in Zak’s accomplishments will take over the sadness I am feeling now-that he and I will make new memories in this new chapter of his life that will be just as special as the ones stuck in my head now. But for now I grieve…grieve for the hole in my heart that was left by the boy who made me a mother…

On the upside of this seemingly totally sad update, Zak LOVES college! He is living in a house with 5 other basketball players. They all get along great and things seem to be going well. He still calls everyday- sometimes more than once a day-but he is always full of good news and great new adventure stories.

I would love to share a few of the photos from move in day…

Here is the trailer all loaded up and awaiting departure…*sniff sniff*

Our exit off the interstate-it all started feeling exponentially real at this point…

The big old house that Zak will be calling home for the next two years-It is so BIG!

And finally, my college freshman…I couldn’t be any more proud!

I hope that my emotional ramblings didn’t bring you down on this fine Thursday, but I have learned through this thing called life that with the good comes the bad and both are worthy of mention-they make us who we are.
I hope that you are able to find your bliss today.
ShannonG