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This is Susan writing today…….I was very torn on what to write for my blog post today.  I had intended on writing a post about photography tips…but seeing how yesterday’s post was about photography, I decided to change my topic.  Today I am going to write a bit about resetting expectations and welcoming unexpected bliss in my life.  8 years ago this July, I had my son, Benjamin.  Some of you already know that Ben had a difficult start in life.  At 26 weeks, I suddenly developed severe pre-eclampsia and Ben was delivered at 1 lb 12 ounces.  I can still remember the shock and horror I was in when I first saw him.  He was so tiny and fragile and barely looked like a baby.

Those first 3 months in the NICU were very difficult.  The first three years of his life were even harder.  I slowly watched all my plans and dreams for my first child slip away.  I had told myself that my children would have the best, go to the best schools, play instruments and sports, be well read, well traveled and well rounded.  Heck, my son was going to get into an ivy league school!  What is that saying, “life happens when you are busy making other plans”?

Over time it became obvious that Ben was developing much more slowly than the doctors expected.  They expected him to be catching up when, in reality, he was actually slipping further behind.  By three years of age, he barely had 10 words.  He was seen by a plethora of specialists in Boston and we finally came to the realization that Ben may never be “typical”.  He may never catch up.  That is when I began to mourn the child I thought I was “supposed” to have.  Would he ever be able to communicate with us?  Would he have friends?  Would he graduate from high school?  Could he ever hold a job?  Will he ever get married…have children of his own?  When you are in the abyss, it is so hard to the sun shining outside.

For the past (almost) 8 years we have watched Ben make amazing progress.  We’ve learned to love this child for who he is and not burden him with OUR expectations of what he should become or achieve.  And I, personally, have reset my expectations.  Now, all I want for my son is for him to be happy and healthy and lead a life filled with family, friends and love. My bliss is getting excited when he is able to strike up a conversation with a kid at the swimming pool, or tell us something that he has never been able to articulate before, or listening to him laugh and play with his sister….my bliss is hearing my son tell me he loves me, “because you are cute mommy”.  Yes, I waited 5 long years to hear my son say he loves me.  And now, every time I hear him say it, I am filled with joy.

Ben is now in the final days of Kindergarten.  He has a group of 4 friends (all boys) that he “hangs out with” at school.  He is into superheroes, computers, sharks, the Space Shuttle, airplanes, and his little sister.  Most days, he says his dream is just to work with daddy….right next to him….on his own laptop.  Nothing more…nothing less.  And that would be just fine by us.